On Glampacking

I quite recently became acquainted with the term 'glampacking', also known as flashpacking, and its been quite a revelation, not least of all because I was harbouring under the illusion that this travelling business was actually a bit hard on the body. But a quick survey of the literature indicates that I am, indeed, a glampacker and maybe just getting a bit old, hence the aches and pains.

Its hard to estimate what proportion of travellers that us glampackers comprise; you still see a great deal of old-school smelly, hiking-boot types around. So you might ask - how do you know if you are one? In my experience, if you answer yes to 4 or more of the following, then you are likely to be a glampacker.

1. Your preferred mode of transport is a budget airline or private car rental. If you must take a train, invariably you will upgrade so that you may enjoy air-conditioning, clean(er) toilets, 220V electrical points and even free wifi. Bus is the transport mode of last resort and a massage/spa treatment will likely follow a journey of any considerable length.

2. Your check-in luggage has wheels. And is probably over the weight limit. And doesn't have your housing and/or bed hanging from it.

3. Your hand luggage bursts with electrical equipment (laptops, digital cameras, iPods), shoes that wouldn't fit in your luggage, toiletries and duty free purchases.

4. Your uniform is more likely to be Topshop, H&M or Zara than fleece jumpers, ponchos or ugly commando pants that zip off to become even uglier shorts etc. In fact, you avoid anything khaki-coloured to dispel any possible association.

5. The idea of shared dorms appeals to your frugality but is beneath your dignity, so you avoid them at all costs, even though in hostels you may meet fellow travellers with whom you may make meaningful and lasting friendships that reaffirm your belief in the beauty of humanity. You know that, in truth, hostels are more likely to acquaint you with the ugliest of humanity and encourage the formation of unfair generalisations based on nationality. For example, 'the Dutch are smelly and weird', 'Australians are loud and uncouth' and 'Americans just don't get it, do they?' And camping? Haha, funny.

6. To people you may meet in bars, restaurants and clubs, you're 'on vacay' or 'travelling' rather than backpacking. Ahhh semantics.

7. You don't really give loved ones back home a chance to miss you because you are constantly on skype or facebook via free wifi, which any establishment must have as a prerequisite for your custom. Even if you are in a small medieval town in Transylvania, or a remote island in the Baltic Sea.

This is by no means a definitive list and additions are welcome.

In case you're getting a bit nostalgic for the old days, take a look at this photo. Not pretty. After this train trip, my renunciation of backpacking and conversion to glampacking was complete.